Living with a Broken Heart
by Selene'sTwilight
Summary: One-shot.What would have happened if James and Snape had been friends instead of enemies all along. When James starts dating Lily how will Snape feel? What about when they get married? T for safe...


J.K Rowling owns characters, and setting... and almost everything... Short one shot about what would have happened if James and Snape had been friends instead of enemies from the beginning. Wrote this right after seeing the last movie, and experiencing something kind of like what happened to Snape with Lilly. No Voldemort. Thanks for reading

- Selene'sTwilight

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><p>Waking up, James yawned loudly. He was excited to start the day, just yesterday he'd been asked out by Lily Evans. Sure, the two of them had been good friends for a long time, and at first he was uncomfortable about it, but now he was excited. He'd dated other girls before. But none quite like her. She was beautiful, and kind, and smart. The perfect girl for him, she could even help him with his homework! Getting up out of bed, he sat about getting ready, pulling on some clean robes and making sure that all of his homework was done. It was a pain to do it at the last minute, but he could if he'd forgotten anything. Plus, maybe his new girlfriend could help him out.<p>

Finally sure that he had no homework to get done, and was dressed well enough to go see his girlfriend he began to make his way out of the room. "Lilly said for you to meet her down in the Great Hall for breakfast. Lily and James sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G," a girl that was unfamiliar to James called out. He rolled his eyes and made his way for the portrait hole, still planning on visiting Lilly and eating breakfast.

"Is it true? Are the rumors true that you're dating Lily now?" Severus questioned as James appeared out of the portrait hole. "Sheesh man! How long have you been standing here waiting for me?" James questioned with a laugh. "Stalker much?" he teased. But Sev's expression didn't lighten at all, which caused him to frown. "Why? Are you worried this will hurt our friendship or something? Because I know we can all still be friends with Lilly and me dating. Nothing will change Sev, we're not going to leave you out or anything," James said with a frown as he studied the boy's face. "I mean sure there will be a few dates you won't be able to come on, but other than that everything will be like normal," he added playfully, trying to lighten the mood.

"Have you forgotten about what I told you then?" Severus questioned as he studied James, a frown covering his face. "Forgotten what?" James questioned with a frown. He watched as Severus bit his lip, still confused as to what the boy was talking about. He was often forgetful, so he did need to be reminded of things quite often. "Nothing.. just tell me is it true about you and Lilly?" he questioned, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yes, it is. She asked me out yesterday. Isn't it great?" James questioned enthusiastically. He watched Severus's expression darken, still confused as to why the boy was in such a curious mood. "I think I'll meet you for breakfast later... I have to go do some homework I forgot about," Severus lied quietly, walking away without another word.

"Well that was strange," James muttered to himself with a light sigh. Making his way down the stairs to the Great hall, he paused for a moment to chat with Remus who was standing at the end of the staircase. Another full moon wasn't coming for a while... but he still wanted to make sure his friend was okay. Remus was quiet and typically kept to himself, so James tried to do whatever he could to make sure that the guy had a little fun.

Severus made his way back towards the dungeons quickly. He was already shaking. How could she? How could she? James was a good friend to him sure, but he was always a bit nasty towards the girls he dated, not acting like a gentleman at all. She deserved better! She deserved so much better than the guy that got detention every other day. As he reached the wall, he paused. "Pure-blood," he stated quietly, trying to keep the tears out of his voice. He couldn't let anyone hear him! They'd laugh at him, and make matters worse. Then word would get to Lilly and he'd have to explain himself to her... He could never do that.

Pausing at the entry to the bed chambers, he listened to see if anyone was inside. Apparently not, because no noise came out. Crawling up onto his bed, he buried his face into his pillow as the tears appeared, trying to push them away. He couldn't cry... not now. If Lily was happy with James then he'd have to let her be. He cared about her that much. He'd watch her be with another man if that meant her happiness. Then he wouldn't matter... his emotions shouldn't matter. He'd have to push them away, form a mask to hide his true intentions. To hide that his heart had belonged to her from the moment he'd set eyes on her when she was ten. There had been a reason for him following her around, and it wasn't just because of the fact that she was the only witch in the neighborhood.

Drying his eyes, he finally sat up. His hair was a mess from all of his frantic hand movements. Sighing, he did the best he could with combing it using his hands, before he made his way towards the Great hall, the need for breakfast out weighing his need to be by himself. Maybe he could catch a glimpse at Lily anyway... Even though now he knew that she was with James, he still couldn't hope but to see her. That was how much he loved her. He loved her enough not to care if she'd never love him back. He could live off of her happiness alone. Her love would make him immortal, and yet it was impossible for her to love him. A hole formed in his chest, the feeling of loneliness finally setting in. And he had a feeling it wouldn't easily disappear.

After finishing his conversation with Remus, James finally made his way down to the Great Hall. "Good Morning Lily," he said as he sat down next to the girl, taking her hand in his. "I missed you," she murmured as she looked at him. "I think the first trip to Hogsmeade this year should be our first date. We can go to the Hog's Head where no one else will be and drink a few butter beer," she said thoughtfully. James only nodded, staring right into her eyes. "Yeah, I suppose we could do that," he agreed lost in their color. Green eyes like hers were so rare, a true green color. Not the typical blue-green that most people had.

"Have you seen Sev lately? He asked about us dating and then ran off before I could answer. I don't think he knows we're going out yet," Lily said thoughtfully as she twisted their hands around, staring down at them as she thought. "Yes, I told him this morning. He asked me the same question and I told him that we were... it seemed to make him almost a bit uncomfortable. I think he may be worried that we're not going to be friends with him anymore. I told him that we weren't going to abandon him though... and that seemed to make him feel better, because he left rather hurriedly to work on homework," he recalled. Lily shrugged. "I hope it didn't bother him," she murmured quietly, her eyes seeming a bit sad.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be okay with it. I mean, we've been friends since first year. He's got to know that nothing could ever change that. We're like the three musketeers Combined with a were-wolf and a Sirius," he said with a laugh. His words seemed to reassure Lily who nodded to herself before grabbing a bowl and filling it with porridge. James sighed, and finally began to serve himself, hunger finally catching up with him. "What are you a tiger or something?" Lily questioned as she watched him pile food onto his plate. "I prefer Lion, Gryffindor remember," he said playfully. "And no, I've got a game today," he explained as an after thought.

Eventually Severus joined the pair, sitting across from them. "Morning Sev," Lilly said as she stared down at her plate, taking a bit of her omelet. Looking up at Severus, she frowned. His eyes were red rimmed as if he'd either been crying or had allergies. "Is something wrong?" she questioned with a frown. She wasn't sure what could be bothering him, but something seemed to be plaguing him. Severus's typically pale skin was tinged pink, and his hair was uncombed. That, combined with his red rimmed eyes was enough to prove to her that something had to be wrong. Was he that upset that the two were dating? James had made it seem as if he no longer cared.

Severus looked up at her and shook his head, not meeting her eyes. "You usually don't sit with us Sev, something special happen today? Your friends from Slytherin are watching us," James said with a breathless laugh as he began eating his toast quickly before taking a bit of some bacon that was also on his plate. He guessed that their friend was sitting with them because he was still afraid he'd lose both of them. And that fact made him a bit uncomfortable. But he hide it with his playfulness, not wanting to trouble Severus anymore if it bothered him that much.

"Like you wouldn't know," Severus snapped as his eyes met Jame's. "Know what?" James questioned innocently. Sev hadn't told him exactly what had upset him yet. Severus's gaze deepened as his eyes found the Gryffindors. Finally when his gaze broke, the Slytherin stood and left the table. "I wonder what his problem is," Lilly said with a pout. If he wasn't mad at them dating anymore, than what could it be? "Beats me," James said with a shrug, Severus never got this mad or irritated over anything... And then it hit him. "Oh," he breathed, a frown forming on his face.

_Two weeks prior_

"James can we talk for a moment?" Severus questioned as he leaned against the walls of the quidditch field. James was up in the air practicing his favorite sport, quidditch. Taking notice of his friend, he flew down and let his broom fall onto a nearby bench, removing his gloves with his teeth and sitting them next to it as well. "What's up?" he questioned as he watched Severus, sensing some uneasiness about the guy. It was unusual in itself for Sev to come and find him on the field. Usually Severus only came to the quidditch filed when no one else was there to think... never when someone else was around.

"It's about Lily," he stated, a light pink blush forming across his cheeks, deepening slowly to red. "What about Lilly? You aren't in love with her or something are you? It would be okay if you were you know. That is of course unless you're some sort of stalker. I don't want people stalking my best girl friends. You're not a stalker are you?" James joked as he watched Severus. But then he saw something flick in his friend's eyes that made him stiffen. "You really do like her don't you," he muttered now understanding.

"It's more than that... God James I love her. I always have since we were kids. I couldn't help it. But she's just so... beautiful. With her red hair and her eyes... Don't let me start on her eyes. I could get lost in their... green. There's no way to describe it," he breathed, finally letting out what he'd been keeping to himself since before school had even started. "I've been around her since we were kids... I always have the most fun with her. She's so amazing... definitively the brightest witch around... I love her so much,"

"Then shouldn't you ask her out?" James asked uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair.. He wasn't the best to talk to about relationships. "I can't, she's so beautiful. And look at me, I'm even less than ordinary looking. She would probably want to date some handsome guy. She'd never say yes... I'm afraid to even ask. I'm happy just being friends with her now... Just so I can be near her. If I asked her out and she said no, then that would change. And I can't - I can't lose her," he stated quietly, not meeting Jame's eyes.

James shrugged. He really didn't know what to tell his friend. They were only fourteen. His feelings would probably change soon enough, and then none of this would matter anymore. He figured it was just a crush... a rather intense crush. But probably nothing too serious... "We'll I don't know what to tell you Sev... But I've got to go take a shower. See you at dinner," James said dismissively as he made his way back towards the castle. Severus remained still for a moment, considering all that he'd said, before he to made his way back up to Hogwarts.

_Currently_

James sat there in shock for a few minutes, until Lily poked him. "Is something wrong?" she questioned with a pout. "You're not in a bad mood too are you? I don't want to have to go sit with Sirius.. he just found out that he has to go home for Christmas so I know he won't be too happy," she said with a sigh. James shook his head. He couldn't let her know... Severus hadn't wanted her to know... He'd probably feel even worse if she found out, but still dated James.

"Ah, it's nothing," James said with a shrug as he stood up from the table. "I know you have Potions now though, so you should hurry off to class. I'd hate for your parents to think your drop in O.W.L.S was because of your new boyfriend," he joked quietly. Lily shrugged. "They're just happy I'm here... but I guess you're right. See you later," Lilly said, taking one last bite of her porridge before she stood up from the table. She kissed Harry's cheek lightly before she made her way out of the Great Hall and toward her Potions class.

James frowned as Lily disappeared. What was he to do? If he continued dating the girl Severus was sure to hate him. In the beginning, he just started dating her because she had asked him out, and that had seemed like the thing to do. But now... Now he actually had feelings for the girl. Either way he figured he was going to end up with one of his friends hating him. If he told Lily that Severus liked him, Sev would hate him. And if he broke up with Lily for Sev without telling her the reason, Lily would hate him. Shaking his head, he stood up and made his way to the quidditch field, figuring that he would be able to think easier after practicing for a while.

As he reached the field, he saw someone else was already there sitting up in the stands. As he got closer he realized that the boy that was sitting there was Severus. Frowning, he made his way up to his friend, and sat down next to him. "Hi," he said hesitantly, not sure what else to say. What could you say when you'd just found out you were making your best friend's life miserable?

"Why would you date her when you know how much I love her, how much I care about her?" Severus questioned as he buried his head in his hands. James frowned as he watched his friend, wanting to tell him to knock it off and stop being a girl, but at the same time a bit sympathetic. "She asked me out dude. I didn't know what else to say. I mean she's a hot chick, and I already liked her a lot before...," James trailed off as he watched Severus stiffen. "Hot chick? Is that all you think of her? You better treat her better! She deserves better than you... Better than me. But I still can't let go. I know she would never like me... I mean look at me! But it hurts... I would do anything to be able to get her to like me romantically. And you have her and talk of her like that," the boy said incredulously.

James sighed. "What do you want me to do?" he questioned. "Treat her right! Make it worth her... Be what I can't. Become the man she deserves James... For me. I'm happy enough seeing her happy. Even if she's with you... If she really loves you... than I guess I will have to learn to live with it," Severus said quietly, not looking at anything in particular as he finished his little speech. James frowned, but soon nodded. "Okay Sev, I'll do that for you...," he said quietly, knowing he meant it. Somehow he had to make it up to Severus.

_Ten Years Later_

Severus watched as Lily's father walked her down the aisle with a smile on his face. Standing from the alter he could see her perfectly, white dress splayed out about her and a veil covering her face. He was best man, he should be happy for his two best friends. And yet he couldn't be. The hole in his chest that had begun after he had found out that Jame and Lilly had started dating still existed. It had never truly gone away. The pain was always there. But over the years he had found it more.. bareble. Lily was so happy with James... he couldn't bare to take that away from her. He couldn't let her see his pain.

James had kept his word and straightened up after his talk with Severus on the quidditch field. He barely ever got detention anymore after that, and the ones he got were for things like sleeping in class. He respected Lily truly, and did his best to make her happy. He had become the man she deserved, changing himself to meet his friend's request. Because even though he loved Lily truly now, he knew Severus did as well. And always would, but he would always be the one that couldn't have her. Couldn't hold her, couldn't have a life with her.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister stated as he gazed at the couple. James bent his head to kiss Lily. Severus stood there and watched as the woman of his dreams, the one that held his heart but was unaware of the fact kissed his best friend. The hole grew larger, knowing that it would never be filled. He would live forever without his other half. His mind was only comforted with the fact that she was happy... that he could be near her. But his heart was truly broken, the hole swallowing it completely. He would never be whole.

As the reception started after the wedding, James and Lily danced a waltz around a ballroom that was filled with lifted candles. A large chocolate cake floated in the center of the room, above the guests so no one was tempted to eat it before the time came. "Severus?" a small voice questioned bringing him out of his thoughts. He stared down into her eyes... Lily's eyes. "Will you dance with me? I think I should be allowed at least one dance from my best friend," she stated as she took his hand without another word and began to dance with him.

"You can have all of my dances," Severus stated quietly. "What was that?" Lily questioned, not catching his words over the other voices in the room and the music. "I said I'd be happy to dance with you," Severus said louder. She couldn't know. She could never know. Even now as she stared into his eyes, he had to hide it. Hide the hole from her, hide the pain from her. She could never be his... She would never know how much she'd hurt him. "Okay," she responded happily, sensing nothing was wrong.

As the dance ended, Lily went to dance with her father while Severus went to lean against the wall. Closing his eyes he tried to drown everyone out, tried to pretend nothing was wrong. Tried to pretend he wasn't just about to cry like a girl once more. "Severus?" James questioned as he approached his friend. Sev opened his eyes to stare at James. "Congratulations," he stated quietly, clasping Jame's back as his eyes trained on Lily once more, watching her turn circles across the ball room floor. He seemed to not be able to take his eyes off of her for a second.

"Are you okay man? I wasn't sure I should have made you best man... I haven't caused you too much suffering have I?" James questioned with a frown. He had been hoping that Sev would bring a date to the wedding, maybe finally move on. But it seemed his friend never would. And that only made him feel more guilty. Over the years Sev had told him he'd gotten over it, not to worry about it. But he knew the truth... and knowing it he knew that it would never change as long as Severus lived.

"I was very happy to be your best man James. I don't regret your decision at all. Thank you for giving me the position, it meant a lot to me," Severus said, at first his voice mechanical. He had to work to make it sound right, forcing himself to take his eyes off of Lily. "I'm happy for you James. Truly... If someone had to have married her... I'm glad it was you. She seems so happy.. thank you for that," he said quietly. "I'm making things worse standing here aren't I?" James question, not buying his friend's lie at all. Shaking his head, he left to go talk to some elderly man without another word.

Sighing, Severus leaned back against the wall letting the hole take him. He felt so worn... Ten years of watching the girl he loved love someone else. And now the product of that had come. Ten years of not saying a word. She would never know... could never know. He'd told himself that over and over. And yet still his mind warred with himself, what if's popping up around every corner. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he finally realized how much time had passed. They were leaving already to go on their honeymoon. He watched as they departed on a carriage pulled by thestrals, before apparating home.

Lying down on his bed, he loosened his tie until the thing came off. Giving into the darkness that was the hole as he fell asleep still in his dress robes, a few thoughts haunted him; _She'd never be his. But she was happy._ And he'd have to live with that. He'd have to live with his broken heart

The End


End file.
